The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love...Kenya

The contents of this website are my own PERSONAL opinion. They do not reflect the opinions, policies, actions, feelings, or eating habits of the Peace Corps, the U.S. Government, any government, shadow governments, or anyone else, for that matter, but ME.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Bureaucrat Frustrations

So, the past few days have me really down in the dumps. This medical process is making me think that I'll never become a PCV. I know that everyone goes through this, but it feels like this is the kid's in the cool clique's way of keeping you out.

I really think that the money issue of this should be addressed. It is almost prohibitively expensive to go through the med clearance process. I think this is one of the reasons that 85% of the PC is non-minority, and the general perception of it being for over-privileged white kids. While this perception is off, it isn't completely wrong. When I was younger and considering the PC, I put the thought aside because I knew my family and I couldn't afford to not only get me through the application process (with no guarantee of getting in) and then to help me out periodically while I was abroad. I think there would be better socio-economic and cultural diversity if the PC administration recognized this.

But I digress. So, a big shout out to my close friends who won't let me quit. Last night I was going through a real crisis of confidence after a week of demoralizing doctors’ visits. I found out that my sight is going to be a concern all my life (apparently I have only one real working eye and if anything happens, I'll be pretty much blind). There were a few other things, but collectively it added up to an on-going concern about being cleared. I read in the PC groups about the hassles and hold-ups of getting cleared and I panic. Breeny and KK were there for me; they told me that I was meant to do this and not to give up. While I don't have the extra $2000 right now, I'll find it.

In my heart I know that the Universe always provide, but right now it doesn't feel that way. It feels like the Universe is purposely complicating things and conspiring against me on this project. Nothing has ever been easy for me, but I thought that since I wanted this so much that for once I might have smooth sailing.

This is just the beginning of my crisis. I'll mail this packet out next week, and then for the next 2-3 months it will sit on someone's desk, not to be even glanced at. Then, when someone finally does look at it, they'll want even more test and information. FUCK THIS PROCESS!


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