The Toughest Job You'll Ever Love...Kenya

The contents of this website are my own PERSONAL opinion. They do not reflect the opinions, policies, actions, feelings, or eating habits of the Peace Corps, the U.S. Government, any government, shadow governments, or anyone else, for that matter, but ME.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

What Is Reality


So, I am supposed to be "processing' all of this new information, but it doesn't seem real. I mean, yes, it is fantastic to have this packet of information, and a country to point to and say I am going there, but it doesn't seem like it will really happen.

By my calculations, I am 150 days away from Staging. Six months seems so far way (although I know it isn't). As I tell friends and work folks about the good news, they all have this bizarre reaction that I don't know how to deal with. They are all so kind and they look at me as if I had just said I am entering Mother Teresa's convent to help lepers. While there are a lot of reasons to join the Peace Corps, I don't know if anyone who does should believe it is wholly altruistic. From what I have read, those that see themselves that way usually find themselves sorely disappointed (and may return home early). So, I am feeling slightly like a fraud today. I am trying to figure out a way to communicate the totality of my motivation to join Peace Corps, but I don't think I even know that.

Per my invitation kit instructions, I am meant to be writing an "Aspiration Statement" and emailing it to my country desk. Technically, I should email it before Christmas, but I won't get to it. I find myself at a loss for what to write. I must have dug up 15 other PCV's statements on the web, but I am still unclear as to what I "should" be writing. I look back at my application and the two statements I had to write for that and I wonder if they were good or bad or if they were even read by my recruiter. Will
my Country Director read them or do they just sit there? Most of all I wonder if I have the clarity or capability for putting into words what I think and feel for my Aspiration Statement. Then I think it doesn't matter, because whatever I think I want to aspire to, I really have no earthly idea what 2 years working in Kenya on HIV/AIDS education will mean to me.

So, Bri, that is where I am today. On this cold, rainy Winter's day I am dwelling in place that isn't pretty or nice, feeling fake and distant. My adventurous spirit is whispering in my ear that it is she who pushed for the Peace Corps, she wants to see what life in another world is like and be part of that life and if the Universe is kind, to be of some help, if even just a little bit.

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